It’s such a funny thing!

I felt obligated to explain my actions. Yet with that one thought I was hypocrite. I said to myself that her opinion didn’t affect me yet I still wanted to explain…

Retrospect is such a funny thing!

I feel like crying but not a “bad cry” if that makes sense. A cry more like a thunderstorm. Because after every thunderstorm there is that smell or aura of freshness and new beginnings. And a new beginning is exactly what I have in front of me.

Beginnings are such funny things!

In the sense that, they are usually great but it means that something else has to end. Endings. End. Is this “THE END”?  No. It is more like “AN END” This was an end to something that has been nibbling on the corners of my brain. It doesn’t change anything, except me. Which I see as an accomplishment.

I…am such a strange young woman!

My heart tells me to rant. To say what I feel is true. To throw around words like pretentious even when I know that those kinds of words can never be objective. My head tells me that it is pointless and petty. The greatest revenge is to live but I don’t want revenge. I don’t want anything from her. Maybe I did once, but not now.

Memories consume, like opening the wound.

My own mother was angry at me for opening this wound. I felt as if it had become infected. Therefore, as painful as it may be, I had to re-open it in order to disinfect. This process would mean less illness in the future. Wow, that was a lame example of what has happened! Hm. I feel…

raw.

Not exposed or bad necessarily just raw. I want to sit on my roof at midnight and sing to the stars. To sleep in the basement among my books just to feel safe and freak out my mom. To draw on printer paper in sharpie and not feel guilty when I see what poor excuses of art have appeared. I want. I want which means that I’m not numb. For now, that is enough for me.

I realize that I am speaking in riddles so I suggest not focusing to hard on these paragraphs. I want to be happy in opposed to being in the pursuit of “happyness.” Hot Pursuit is only interesting for so long!

hahaha

ahhhh

what a twisted web us spiders of  lives weave

tugging to and fro at people’s hearts

telling them to go

to leave

to change

to stay

to rearrange ones priorties

to believe

to sieze the one thing they love most

what a tangled web us spiders of lives weave

No idea where that came from and I haven’t got the heart to delete it. I feel like this post would make alot more sense if I was high LOL!

Her issues and troubles don’t please me.

Being me and being pleased does.

I wonder if we will ever speak again in a coffee shop 10 yrs from now. Will we remember. Forget. Ignore. Force. I’m not sure. I guess it is a bit strange for me to look forward to our next real meeting. If I’m supposed to regret that day if it occurs then I guess I’m a tad off the grid with this one…:)

We shall see.

if only if only the woodpecker cries

the bark on the tree was as soft as the skies

while the wolf waits below

hungry and lonely

crying to the moon

if only if only

Good Bye Shelby!

I actually do pray that we meet again.